If it was possible to
be more down and out than my last post, I was for a few days after our
Mid-Service shit show, but now I have popped back up again and am slowly but
surely morphing into my old cheery self…maybe just lacking a bit of my old
optimism. I had a good laugh yesterday thinking about if whenever we squished
something it went “nooooo” very softly. This is actually why I rarely kill
bugs, because I feel guilty, but I thought about everything I do squish…definitely
mosquitos…pimples…clothes into my backpack…Filipinos on a crowded jeepney…my
pillow…trash in the trashcan…ketchup packets…Mariz’s cheeks…and imagining it
all saying “noooo” so gently put a smile on my face and made me happy. I know I
am a weirdo, and I am proud of it.
I eventually had to
say goodbye to my German compadre, but we had one last adventure hoorah at Koo
Koo’s Nest, the weekend before he left. This place is one of the most beautiful
places I have ever stayed… with jutting cliffs coming out of crystal blue waves,
coming right up to the hammocks, or “hang mats” as Martin would say, and …icing
on the cake = a family of 5 gorgeous golden retrievers! Mom, dad, 2 brothers
and a sister, all were stunning! They also had a small and chubby mutt named
sausage, poor outcast… I miss cuddling with clean and healthy dogs very much,
so this was a rare treat for me! Koo Koo’s nest is so secluded; you can only
get there by motorbike for about 45 minutes on twisty turvy dirt roads with
stunning views. I highly recommend it. This is also only a little over an hour
away from my town, in the middle of nowhere. They only have 6 cottages, and we
were the only people there besides staff the whole time. It is run by an
adorably quirky older British couple, who laughed at me when I said I taught
English… rebutting that I teach American, which I was a little offended by at
first, but that is actually so true… We went snorkeling at the reef right off
the coast, play wrestled with the dogs, body surfed (leading to a new scar from
coral attacking my leg). It was a breathtaking and dreamy weekend vacation from
reality. It was just so easy to talk with Martin for hours…about any and
everything, this made me realize even more how unconnected I was with Daniel (who,
by the way, already has a local Filipina girlfriend… so predictable, but we
will get to that later). If you have ever seen “Before Sunrise,” the experience
of Martin and I was a lot like that… but lasting for 3 weeks. It was hard to
say goodbye, but romantic in ending on such a high, before we actually realized
what each other’s flaws are. He went back home to teach in Germany, and I went
back to my hut to bathe with a bucket and attempt to teach and inspire my
students back in my reality. Our paths will cross again though…
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| Me & Martin |
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| Me & The Pooches at Koo Koo's Nest |
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| Hang |
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| Mat |
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| Buglasan 2013: We <3 Dumaguete |
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| We so classyyyy |
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| Masskara! If you couldn't have guessed... |
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| My Bestie and I in the masks I made! |
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| Masked Madness: Larry, Karla, Chris, Dave, Hillary, Me |
On to MST, or our PC Mid-Service
Training. This was a whirlwind of emotions for everyone. Karla, Hillary, and I
stayed in a room together, and at some point each one of us burst into tears
about some problem. I never used to burst into tears. The conference was
essentially a waste of time… maybe its purpose was to raise morale, but I am
not sure how effective it was. We did a lot of activities about our emotional
health and how our work here is going, I was for sure one of the more upbeat
and positive people at this point. I have such amazing students, that they
really shine above the negative aspects, and I really am doing exactly what I
cam here to do, but it was interesting to see where everyone else is at.
If you are wondering,
I suppose I should add that Daniel and I avoided each other the best we could
throughout MST… not easy when our batch has dwindled from 71 to 50 something
volunteers. I was happy though that he did not show up to most of the big group
fun activities…maybe because his “friends” invited me instead of him, or maybe
because I can act normal in a group, when he can’t. I have never had this
awkwardness with a person, and I hate it, so I had the idea of trying to talk
things out civilly the last night. Bad idea. Started out fine and fake with
small talk, he mentioned his new large back tattoo and Filipina girlfriend… then
as soon as we started talking about our issues and both of our mistakes towards
the end, he blew up and walked away, proving again his immaturity and failure
to accept any responsibility for wrong doing…but at least him running away gave
me closure. I did feel a little bad for him, it was obvious to everyone at the
conference that he has lost most of his friends, and the people he does still
hang out with were overly nice and complimentary to me... which was strange…kinda
made me wonder what else I didn’t know about…and of course, I am sure his
isolation and need for someone to be constantly reassuring him lead him to
jumping into a relationship with a local. Good luck with that. It only upsets
me because he treated me so poorly in the end, and I feel bad for the most
likely naïve and innocent girl (or maybe she is very clever and only really
wants a ticket to America…says my Dauin Filipina friend) Not my business either
way…and I need to stop being childish and wasting my time even thinking about
it. I will be indifferent soon enough, but it is hard when I still feel so
strongly that he is an inherently evil person with many screws lose in his
head. Anywayssss, he won’t be mentioned here again, and wish me luck with that indifference
thing…
So “Stache Bash” is a
Peace Corps tradition. The men grow out their beards as full as possible, then
sculpt them into amusing shapes and create characters. It then turns into a
somewhat beauty contest with these crazy characters. We had it on the first
night of MST, Hillary and Jen were the MCs and it was quite amusing. I think
there were 10 or so contestants and Chris ended up taking the title of Stache
Bash 2013 King as his Stanley Kowalski character, a Chicago born asshole,
loosely based on Hunter S. Thompson’s Raoul from Fear and Loathing in Las
Vegas. It’s funny that everyone used to think Chris was shy… everybody was
chanting his name after this performance. He was also named MST MVP after his
Talent show stand-up as the same character. Proud of my buddy! The talent show
was actually full of some real PCV talent. We had a Balinese dancer, beautiful
Russian hymn, step team, magic show, lullaby, and more, I am proud to say
Negros had by far the most participants. Obviously, our island is the best. The
volunteer in Manila, Bex, was brave and read her moving poem that shows the
realness of Peace Corps life that is not seen in the happy Facebook photos.
Here it is titled… “My Rose-Colored Glasses”
“I arise to
a world which is not mine to claim. I put on my disguise.
My Rose Colored
Glasses.
The smell of
burning rats transforms into stretched silicon, much like the smells from a red
balloon animal, sounding like the friction of skin to rubber.
A frame of a sick
child squatting and hovering over her uncontrollable bowl movements quickly is
replaced by a game of leapfrog.
She plays in her
defecation, creating finger paintings of her hopes dreams.
My smile shall
remain as radical as the environment. My fear will be covered by tightened
facial muscles and of course my Rose Colored Glasses will remain in place.
A young boy with
special needs has not been given the time to be taught to clean himself, he’s
been given a lonely confused life…but with my Rose Colored Glasses, his kisses
and hugs are sweet and longed for. My Rose Colored Glasses allow me see his
wrist watch. My hand is his to hold and so is my time.
The clinging
sound of pesos being bet on two small children surrounded by a crowd of adults.
The last one standing will win.
My eyes refuse to
see such ludicrous.
My Rose Colored
Glasses see a team of supportive adults cheering for a bright future.
I seek refuge
from the human baha in a neighbor’s house only to find the epicenter of the
earthquake.
My fear at night
turns into the weight of the ocean. Air supply is limited. Breaths become fast.
Inhaling toxins and exhaling insecurities. This ocean has become my safe place
thanks to My Rose Colored Glasses.
My Rose Colored
Glasses see my acquired weight as strength and courage. My ocean has become
fluid and warm.
Gun Shots become
celebration sounds of fireworks.
Shabu crystals
become gems.
Battered wives
become battered cookies.
Drunken men
become colorful clowns.
Rows of caskets
become windmills.
Dead bodies are
given second chances.
TB & HIV are
just apart of the alphabet.
A simple fever is
not a death sentence-only a hot fire of passion burning from within.
People are
people, not 1,2,OR 3.
A hold up victim
is held up to reach higher.
a crying child is
crying out of joy from love and not hunger.
When I am brave.
I remove my Rose Colored Glasses. I look down at that crying child and I am
surprised to see no other than myself staring back at me.
I hand her My Rose Colored Glasses.”
Peace Corps life is
hard. This is a third-world (I don’t like that term) or developing country.
Like I have mentioned before, I rarely talk about the tragic things we see
because people don’t like to read about that, and it is very personal for me.
Just remember, my Facebook photo facade is not nearly the whole story. To
lighten the mood… I will also include here Hillary and my original song, remade
from John Lennon’s, “Give Peace a Chance”, that we performed for the first act
of the talent show…
“Everybody’s talkin’ bout
Rainin’
and quakin’, floodin’ and shakin’,
Constipation,
dreaming of bacon, project creating,
Plans
and hearts that are breaking,
Chorus
“All we are sayinggggg, is give peace a chance”
Everybody’s
talkin’ bout
Projects
that fall apart, trying not to lose heart,
Punchin’
your counterpart, struggling from the start,
Thought
that poop was a fart, now I’m sittin' on the bus in my own shart,
Chorus
“All we are sayinggggg, is give peace a chance”
Everybody’s
talkin’ bout
Doing
our VRF, trying to be the best,
Livin’
with no sex, but some Peace Corps incest
Joyful
then depressed, bipolar like all the rest!
Chorus
“All we are sayinggggg, is give peace a chance”
Everybody’s
talkin’ bout
Holdin’
your tether, brave this bad weather
We
may still get wetter, but it will get better
Like
a big block of cheddar, we’re in this together!
Chorus “All we are sayinggggg, is give peace a chance”
Giveeee Peaceee A Chanceeeeee!"
Every act ended up
winning some title, I think we got “Best original song adaptation,” and won
some Hershey’s chocolate. Peace Corps Staff were our judges, so many other
American treats were the prizes, including Velveeta Mac & Cheese = Gold. Besides
the Stache Bash and the Talent Show, other nighttime activities included PC
drinking games, a home-made power hour, a rare heart to heart with few PCVs and
our PC country director, Denny, an awesome documentary called “Searching for
Sugarman,” (go download music by “Rodriquez”) and a big group hotel room chika
chika rant where we all mocked and complained about annoying Filipino
mannerisms and culture… it would be amusing to see a group of Filipinos
complaining about our American annoying mannerisms and weirdness. Our last work
session was uplifting and turned into a dance party, putting all of our depressed
selves away and bringing out positive and optimistic vibes to keep on keeping
on! We really are a bonded pack of stone-cold weirdos. I know that I will be
friends for life with many of them. Most of us are doing really amazing
projects and working really hard behind our community’s love and support
because of our integration.
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| Some Sirs of "Stache Bash 2013" |
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| One-Year Down: Visual |
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| MST MVP: Mr. Stanley Kowalski |
So, Halloween is not
really celebrated here, it is All Soul’s Day, and most of us went to the
cemeteries with our host families last year, so this year we decided to dress
up in the city, even if we looked ridiculous to everyone else…and we did. I was
Jollibee’s girlfriend. Jollibee is the most popular fast food here, and I ate
it for lunch, then made memorabilia out of the cup, bag, and napkin. We had a
fun night out, party bedded again at the Australians’ house, then hiked up to
the Twin Lakes the next morning. Fresh, beautiful, mountain air. Much missed
and majestically lovely.
School has been busy
like always… one of the requirements for this grading period is that each of
the students writes a research paper. This becomes a dilemma when half of them
have no idea how to type on a computer or do research, so we are starting completely
from scratch. I looked at papers from past years, and almost every one was
obviously copy and pasted from something on the internet…so we also talked all
about plagiarism too…which they had never heard of before. A few days later
now, and I am waiting patiently in my hut for the Super Typhoon Haiyan to hit,
international name Yolanda, we will no doubt lose electricity and water for a
few days... but my family is equipped with flashlights and 20 cans of sardines…and
my lizard, moth, and cockroach companions will keep me entertained. Not even a
month after the epic earthquake and now another dangerous natural disaster
threat. This typhoon is projected to be worse than the one last year that
killed over 1000 people. No wonder the Philippines can’t make any progress when
they have to deal with so much inclement weather, shifting tectonic plates, and
erupting volcanoes. I have to admit though that I am enjoying the free quiet
time to update this blog, read, paint, and not be around screaming obnoxious
children. As I am trying to write this blog, I am realizing how much of my
previously witty vocabulary I am losing by speaking Visayan all the time. I am actually
forgetting English words… it is depressing, even more so that I am supposed to
be an English teacher. After braving this typhoon, I am counting down until I
return to the U.S. and my family/friends for Christmas and New Years. I am
really trying not to wish the days would fast-forward away, not a good way to
live, still trying to cherish every day here with my students and host family,
who both really do make this a rewarding experience and waking up every day
with more nighttime sneaky spider bites worth it, but I am hoping the break at
home will give me new inspiration and reincarnate my former deceased optimistic
worldview…and not lead me into a mental breakdown. Time will tell.
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| This is a giant jackfruit we plucked from a tree... not a dinosaur egg... |
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